my name is _______________
Easter is coming and Christ died on the cross for all of us to save us from our sin that echoed in our lives from the time of the fall. His death bridged the gap that existed between us and God resulting in us being able to connect and have an intimate relationship with Christ. Today we would like to share a really special post from our very own Haley. This is her story of redemption through Christ.
When I was little, I knew who God was and that He existed. I was lucky to live in a household that “tried” to go to church – when we wanted too. I knew that if you followed and believed in Him, you would go to heaven, but I never fully understood it. My family didn’t go to church on a regular basis; instead we would go for the women’s breakfasts. I would go to church with my grandmother and my mum, but whenever we did go, I never wanted to be there. I never knew any kids there and I always thought they would treat me differently, thinking of themselves as better than I. Even though I had these feelings towards church and the people in it, I always had a feeling that we needed to go more. I remember always staring at the clock and seeing it hit 10 am and thinking that instead of sitting around watching tv or cleaning, we could be in church.
It says in Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message Version) “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”
I’ve gone through a lot of things, with the help of God, that have made me who I am today. At the beginning of my 6th grade school year, my parents divorced and my mother slowly began the transition of moving back to her family in Oklahoma (all the way from Minnesota). I thought my life was falling apart. I couldn’t understand why my parents got a divorce and I thought it was a very bad thing for them to do. Despite all this, I secretly always knew somehow that my parents were going to get a divorce, so hearing them actually say it really made my stomach turn from the inside out. Then, the next summer my father (who I’d been living with) got in contact with his ex wife (who he’d married before marrying my mum) and after coming back from a 2 week trip to see family in another state – this lady began living with us. I didn’t like her at all – I thought I would’ve liked her, but she was a very rude person to me and, sadly, I returned the rude attitude, even though looking back now that was a mistake. My life at the time seemed crazy and I felt like I had lost control. I was living in a house where I didn’t want to be. I would always try and find something to do to stay out of the house. Plus, I felt like I never really had someone to talk to who would fully understand the things that I’d gone through.
Now, people may say, “Oh you can talk to God about it,” but the thing is, I wasn’t that comfortable talking to God — until one night, when it all changed. I was alone and I didn’t know what to do, because my life was such a mess. I prayed to God and decided to give all my struggles up to Him. I needed help being strong and I knew that I couldn’t get through anything without Him. I remember kneeling on the edge of my bed, just crying out to God asking Him to forgive me for what I’d done and begging Him to be with me for the rest of my life.
I’m so glad I accepted Jesus into my life that night because, little did I know, I was about to head down a crazy road and I would need Him more than ever to get me through it. Almost one year later, my dad sat me down and told me that he wanted to change his gender and become female. It felt like I was being stabbed in the heart by each word that he said. I was filled with so much anger, frustration, and hurt — I couldn’t understand why he wanted to go through with this. I’d already “lost” my mother and now my father wanted to change and not be (in my eyes) what a father should look like. I felt as if my childhood hero was vanishing before my eyes. One night, I shared my youth group this information and honestly we all started bawling for 45 minutes straight. We couldn’t handle the situation and we didn’t know why God would do something like this to me. I didn’t know why He would give this situation to me. I was filled with so much frustration towards God and I was angry. I remembered sitting in my closet and just thinking, “What would happen if I killed myself?” “Would I really be missed?” “Would my parents even care that I died?” They were both off in their own world worrying about what they wanted to do and left me stuck fighting to keep both of them happy – I felt like they’d forgotten to love and care for me.
But God didn’t. God never failed to love me, and care for me! He still does and He always will. He got me through one of the toughest things that I’ve experienced in my life so far. My dad did end up going through with the surgery to become female and even though I’m completely against what he’s done, I know I need to love him just as God loves me.
I realize this is very long and I’ve dropped one too many tears while writing this, but I want you to know that God really does have a plan for you. You may not know why God does the things that He does, but He has a reason and it’ll always be better than you can ever imagine. Trust God from the bottom of your heart! Trust each promise that He’s given you! Don’t try to figure things out on your own. I know I tried to and I became so stressed that I was a literal ticking time bomb – I found myself crying in math class over a simple problem because of how stressed I was. He will always make your paths straight, all you need to do is trust His word and trust that He will do what He’s promised. Christ freed me from having to deal with it all on my own, and He can do the same for you.
What is your story?
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